Stepping into Love: Becoming a Stepmom

After my divorce, the last title I thought to have years later was “stepmom”. I was determined never to have kids due to fear of childbirth and doubting my ability to be a good mother. My first niece was born while I was a senior in high school and for me, an aunt was the closest thing to a mother I was going to get. Watching her grow was fun and exciting but I never left her with the “baby fever” urge. Stepping into the dynamics of a “stepfamily” was definitely not something I ever imagined. But here’s a little bit more on my story.

From Meeting to Marriage

Before I met my husband, one of his best friends went to high school with my older sister and he had kept in touch throughout the years, especially with my mom. After my divorce, he reached out to ask about me because, as most guys do, he was aware of single guy friends who might be interested. As soon as he mentioned to my mom that his friend had a son my mom immediately said “No, unfortunately, he’s not for Janelle.”

Little did anyone know, a few months later he and I had a divine appointment to meet, on God’s timing, not ours. I never pictured myself getting involved with someone who had a child but God was playing no games with us.

Becoming a Stepmom

I heard so much about Christian through my husband and not only did it make me fall more in love with him but with Christian. His heart toward his son started to rub off on me and I was eager to meet him. Once I did it all made sense to me how much he adored him.

Christian was this innocent, green-eyed, gap-toothed, big bald bald-headed child. He was extremely sweet with me to the point we would walk in the grocery store and he would hold on to me with such love in his eyes. A woman stopped us and told us how sweet my son was…then it hit me, I want this love forever.

That video was taken December 9, 2016. May 8, 2017, my husband proposed. December 2, 2017, we got married.

The Puzzle Pieces Fit Together

It is so ironic how life happens. God carefully designs our lives how he sees fit on his time and it is our choice to choose that path or not. My life has fit like a puzzle piece when I found my husband. While some pieces took a little longer to find their spot, we ultimately fit perfectly together.

My husband and I met years before while I was in my previous marriage. We didn’t pay any mind to each other as we both lived in different worlds, as he was also married to Christian’s mom. It took years later for us both to divorce and God set up a perfect time for us to meet. It is no coincidence that the Lord blinded us all those years before our divine appointment. 

(Christian and my niece Nalani 1 month apart in age)

Navigating Stepfamily Life

I want to say everything has been a fairytale since then but in hindsight, we’ve been through trials and challenges that have tested us! The journey of being a stepmom is unique to each individual and family. It can be as challenging as it is rewarding, but many find great joy and fulfillment in their role. Celebrating the small moments, communicating openly, and embracing the role with empathy and resilience are key to thriving in this dynamic family landscape.

Ultimately, being a stepmom is about building a family—not through biology but through choice and love. It’s about showing up, day after day, ready to face whatever comes your way together. Over time, the lines that define “step” can blur, leaving simply a family united not just by circumstance, but by shared experiences and mutual affection.

Building Bonds Beyond Biology

Being a stepmom requires continuous learning and adapting. Each stage of Christians life brings new challenges and opportunities for growth. What worked with a seven-year-old Christian definitely has no hold on teenage Christian. Staying flexible and responsive to the changing dynamics is key to maintaining healthy relationships.

The support of a partner is crucial in navigating the complexities of blended family life. Clear communication about expectations, parenting styles, and boundaries is essential. Your partner can also help bridge the gap between you and your stepchildren, facilitating a smoother transition and fostering mutual respect and understanding.

Although the role presents challenges, we can celebrate countless moments of joy and achievement. Those days Christian opened up about his day, seeking advice, or expressing affection. Small victories, like a successful family outing or a peaceful evening at home, can feel particularly rewarding. These are the times that help make the stepmom’s title in the family solid and make the challenges worthwhile.

Empowering Stepfamilies

Thank you for sharing this time with me. May you continue to find joy and fulfillment in the beautiful, complex world of stepfamily life. Here’s to more laughter, growth, and love in your family’s story. Until next time, stay encouraged and empowered—you are making a difference.